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Oct. 27th, 2011

(no subject)

Looking through my LJ archive between 2003-2009, I wrote an entry everyday (or up to 6, which is probably excessive but I started this thing when I was a brooding 13 year old so of course everything that happened was The Most Dramatic Thing Ever). It's a total hoot going back and reading about such-and-such fun event at school, how much I hated so-and-so teacher, how much my parents wanted to ruin my life... and then there are the sad entries (so many of those) that make me ache for myself and want to hop in a time machine and wrap my 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 - year old self in a big hug and tell her with certainty that life gets better.

I feel like I've outgrown livejournal, or maybe livejournal has outgrown me -- it's not the same place as it was when I started back in 2002.

And yet I miss journaling. This was a formative year which I failed to capture down on paper (besides a few things here n there). I feel like so many memories are fuzzy now, and I'll never be able to sharpen them into focus because I didn't leave a paper trail this year.

Maybe I'll start writing again.

Oct. 2nd, 2011

ALL the happinesses!

Ever since I got all my applications in for med school, life has been so good for me. I remember the first weekend in which I had nothing to do. I spent half an hour making breakfast, another half hour eating it while reading blogs, went out for a run, then went out for a walk. I meandered around clothing stores checking prices and touching fabrics, worked on a 1000-piece puzzle, snuggled the cat, went for another walk, noticed the neighbors grilling in the backyard and breathed in the scents of summer, laid on my bed listening to third eye blind. Wondered, "is this real life??!?! Is this what people do on weekends?" Having gone through those terrible pre-mcat months of work (and class and studying and volunteering and shadowing) has allowed me to appreciate the wonders of living simply.

I realize I really like being outside. On hikes, on walks, on runs. I like moving my body outdoors, as silly as that sounds. I even enjoy mowing the lawn and doing yardwork, provided I'm well-covered with mosquito repellent. I like sunshine, I like fresh air, and I like warmth. I like colors.

I also like making dinner and watching movies with >7.5 rating on IMDB.

And going to breweries, and getting a little bit buzzy on free craft beers.

Fall days, walking by the lake, hoping some day I'll be able to come back with a dog or two. A shnauzer and a pug.

I like having nothing touch my feet. Shoes are okay if they can be slipped on and off easily and don't have fur (no fuzzy slippers please). In my future medical practice, I hope I can avoid this podiatric sensory over stimulation by wearing crocks without socks. This is really important.

I like listening to music in the dark, because then I really hear the lyrics.

All of the above (except maybe the crocks without the socks thing), I like doing them with a redhead.

(the crocks without the socks I like to do by myself.)

I can't wait for the future. I can't wait to live with my best friend in our own place, to go to medical school and learn everything about human bodies. I can't wait for the long days of summer again -- can it always be summer?

I am so blessed.

Jun. 4th, 2011


Whaddup Eljay!

I can't believe it's been a year since I posted. A lot has happened this year. I feel like a completely different person than I was last year -- more mature, more capable, more wise. I've never been in a better place in life, and the contrast to the emotional instability I went through for the ~6 previous years has made me feel so, so blessed for my current circumstances. Blessed for my boss, who is so supportive of all my endeavors and personal/career goals and who has taught me a great deal in science and in life. For my parents, who are my biggest cheerleaders and have gradually become my best friends. For Jason, who is better than the best boyfriend I could have imagined. For all my friends -- current and future lawyers, educators, politicians, doctors, scientists, engineers, artists, leaders -- who are now scattered around the country doing some really impressive things in the world.

I feel like the past year has been extremely formative. While I've always considered medicine as a career choice and tried to keep my options open, it wasn't until this year that I decided to go for it. I spent the past year taking some pre med classes (introductory science classes), volunteering in the hospital, shadowing doctors, and doing research, and all these activities have strengthened the conviction that nothing else will make me happier. I'll be applying this summer for a fall 2012 matriculation; wish me good luck!

This year has been a trying one for me and Jason. Jason also had a lot going on: he started a new job in a management position in manufacturing at GE aviation, which has him rotating to different plants every 6 months. Thus, I had the opportunity of visiting him in new places around the country: mississippi and boston so far, and in the future, long island and whippany, NJ. Having never really been apart while dating at Duke, the long distance relationship it was a difficult adjustment. Between my being up to my eyeballs with class and work, and his working 80-hour weeks, sometimes our relationship suffered, but now that class and MCAT is mostly behind me and Jason's upcoming rotations will be more local, I think we're closer than ever and starting to seriously imagine what our life together might be like in the future.

As is typical for a couple who probably sees each other once every two months, Jason and I had the most magical weekend together last week in Boston. It was the day after my MCAT when I boarded the bus to new york city and then another bus to boston. I was on a total MCAT high, my head still racing from 4-5 months of daily studying and preparation culminating in 5 hours of maximum focus. The weekend that followed was just nearly perfect in every way. The weather cooperated, and we got to spend entire days roaming through the neighborhoods in boston, stopping to share only an iced coffee and a few moments of rest on the sides of streets. After working up an appetite, we'd enjoy a slow meal after the restaurant's dinner rush and languish in the serenity of a warm summer night, our faces flushed from blueberry beer and the day's adventures. Everything seemed to follow a later schedule than usual, or following no schedule at all -- breakfast at eleven, lunch at two, dinner at nine, sex in the afternoon in the dark, cool confines of his apartment.

Just writing this all out makes me miss Jason, his adorable autumn wheat eyelashes and the freckles on his arms, the way his laughs curl. How he indulges my nerdy side and teaches me about cars, planes, and the physics of daily occurrences. Of course, real life is not like the "vacation weekends" we spend with each other once every two months, but I am equally as excited for sharing a mundane routine together like doing errands, going grocery shopping, cleaning the toilet, etc.. As a very private person and only child, I've always had reservations about the idea of moving in with Jason so soon, but it's been >3.5 years of dating and I'm starting to look forward to it. I can't wait to go apartment-hunting in preparation for his last job rotation in new jersey. Last night, Jason and I were talking about how fast the future is arriving. I can't believe I'm edging towards my "mid twenties" already! Chinese toddlers and children are beginning to refer to me as "a yi," the chinese term of respect for women of their parents' age. It will take me a long time to get used to that. At least I still get mistaken for a high school student in my research lab! People often tell me college is the best time of one's life, but I think my twenties are going to be wonderful :)

I have so many reasons to be happy, and I am. I am really deeply happy.

May. 25th, 2010

Sweet somethings

Me: I'm going to tell Noah [my boss at work] about you!
Jason: I"m going to tell everyone, wherever I go, about you

May. 13th, 2010

encapsulating lately

My ma keeps telling me
I better stay in school
But when that ends, Lord knows
I don't know what I'm going to do

My life's like...
Moving at the speed of sound

With my head up in the clouds
My life's like...

Cause everytime I blink now another day rolls by
It's getting harder not to think about
All the things on my mind

- Mike Posner, "Speed of Sound"

Feb. 3rd, 2010

papparazzi, or however you spell this word


Frank Warren (of post secret fame) came to speak last year and I went to watch, and lo and behold, he has a photo from the event and I'm in it!

So on the first image in that post, I'm on the bottom right! In the pink/gray jacket! See my pink sleeeve?! First row on the right!

I feel famous

Jan. 24th, 2010

(no subject)

I've been listening to a lot of eminem circa 1999-2001 (slim shady LP) and it depresses me in a comforting, gentle way.
I feel like every song on the Slip Shady LP is tinged with a subtle sadness.

If I had - Eminem

Life.. What is life?
Life is like a big obstacle
put in front of your optical to slow you down
And everytime you think you gotten past it
it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground
What is life? I'm tired of life

But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out
robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

Nov. 3rd, 2009

A+ for melodrama, F for keeping my life together

I'm going to lose it,

or perhaps,

I am losing it

Oct. 14th, 2009

(no subject)


i just wrote up the longest entry EVER
and livejournal did something weird and now it's gone

I was pretty frustrated to begin with too

you know how people scream into pillows in books and on tv??? i sort of need to go do that right now

Sep. 30th, 2009

Is it a bucket list if I'm imposing a three-year deadline?

Stuff I'd like to get done in the next 2-3 years, in order of feasibility, from most feasible to least feasible.
  • Go to Europe (this is pretty much a given)
  • Keep in touch with my HS and duke friends (also pretty much a given)
  • Run the Wa Duke trail (2.9miles) in under 25min (current best time is 25:10)
  • Eat wagyu beef/kobe steak ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobe_beef )
  • Do 5 unassisted chin-ups (current is 2)
  • Eat fugu ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fugu )
  • Have a pet dog (the only reason this is so far down on the list is because I might be too busy to have a dog)
  • Run a road 5k in under 25min (current best time is 25:32)
  • Get a 4.0 in one of my two remaining semesters
  • Run the NJ marathon (May 2011?)
  • Get >35 on MCATs
  • Be an author (middle, unimportant author is fine) in published research
  • Graduate from Duke Cum Laude
  • Run the Beijing marathon (October 2011? It would be a dream come true to do this and have my grandparents and aunt/uncle/cousin cheer for me)
  • Stop chewing gum compulsively (I am completely serious about this one)

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